The Corrupt Wish Game

If you don't know where it belongs, it belongs here.
User avatar
Devilot
REQUIRES YOUR ATTENTION
Posts: 1374
Joined: Sun Apr 30, 2006 7:08 pm

Postby Devilot » Thu Aug 31, 2006 2:41 pm

Master Tang wrote:
Dusk Bringer wrote:Oh you're attacked by penguins alright.
You're attacked by penguins all day, every day. Penguins attack you when you get out of bed in the morning. Penguins attack you while you're eating your breakfast.
Penguins attack you at work, forcing you to lose your job.
Your girlfriend gets tired of the unending flow of aggressive penguins and dumps you without hesitation.
You are ostracized from your friends and family.
You can't even sign up for unemployment benefits, because they refuse to speak to you until you leave the penguins outside.. BUT YOU CAN'T STOP THEM.
The penguins are so ENRAGED by the sight of you, they will gladly smash through glass, run across streets in peak hour traffic, rappel down the sides of buildings, navigate the sewers and crawl through ventilation shafts, just so they can PECK YOU and PECK YOU and PECK YOU.
Finally, you meet someone who understands. A girl who is continually attacked by locusts. Things seem brighter now that there is someone to share your pain. That is, until you discover her DEAD on the floor of her apartment. A penguin lodged in her brain.
In desperation you throw yourself from the window, hit the road and are run over by a bus... full of penguins being transferred to Sea World.

I wish I had a bigger monitor.


Greatest post ever. No if's, and's or buts.


Very, very late concurred.
kupo wrote:I love how we went from babies to food.
mez wrote:I hate you and I want you to die a horrible slow death at the hands of hairy jug-wielding midgets born on the 29th of February.

User avatar
Zecc
Makes LOLCATS
Posts: 612
Joined: Thu Jun 22, 2006 4:57 am

Postby Zecc » Fri Sep 01, 2006 4:42 am

gothicmorman wrote:I wish _I_ could get more spam.

You win a life-time supply of Spam Oven Roasted Turkey (allowed under Islamic law).

Unfortunately you suffer from a rare condition that makes you allergic to non-forbidden-under-Islamic-law food types, so you decide to donate it all to the Spam Fan Club. The legal process involved is tiresome, but eventually it is over. In the mean time you become friends with some of the members of the Spam Fan Club - they aren't mad about you wanting to get rid of spam, because they know it's for health reasons.

Then, when on one rainy nighty you arrive late at home, you find your pet penguin dead on the floor with a locust through her throat. As you are there holding her fragile head and shouting "WHYYYYYYY?", you hear the sound of "RAAARGH!!!" behind you. You turn only to capture a glimpse of a shadowy figure escaping on a aquarium on wheels. As you run through your frontdoor in pursuit, you slip on a banana peel that wasn't there before. You manage to skate on top of the banana peel for a while, until you hit your badly parked car. As you lay there on the driveway with your back against the cold marble (you have an exquisite taste), looking at the initials DK written on the banana peel, you realize you should have wished for more waffles.


I wish I could play any song on any musical instrument whenever I wanted, and only then.
TehBuzzy wrote:Signature quotes are fun
bottlecap: Bring me back some soiled panties from a vending machine.
mulpis: Um, ew?
bottlecap: What?!? It's the name of my favorite country song!

User avatar
catastrophile
Pays Too Much For Car Insurance
Posts: 5698
Joined: Tue Sep 20, 2005 9:53 pm
Location: Downtown Boobginaville
Contact:

Postby catastrophile » Fri Sep 01, 2006 4:56 am

The constant song requests from friends and admirers quickly become tiresome, and before long you find that you never want to play, hear, or even see a musical instrument ever again.

I wish these midterms would grade themselves. Accurately.

EDIT:

FIVE HUNDRED OVER TWENTY DOES NOT EQUAL TWO HUNDRED F@CKING FIFTY!!!

HOW DO YOU PEOPLE GET ADMITTED TO A F@CKING COLLEGE IN THE FIRST PLACE!?!

[/vent]
[/bastard]

User avatar
James
Is a Hero in Bed
Posts: 14912
Joined: Wed Sep 21, 2005 9:40 am
Location: Surbiton, England

Postby James » Fri Sep 01, 2006 7:40 am

catastrophile wrote:FIVE HUNDRED OVER TWENTY DOES NOT EQUAL TWO HUNDRED F@CKING FIFTY!!!

There's a really small decimal point. Really small. Trust me.
SIGNATURE: GONE

User avatar
catastrophile
Pays Too Much For Car Insurance
Posts: 5698
Joined: Tue Sep 20, 2005 9:53 pm
Location: Downtown Boobginaville
Contact:

Postby catastrophile » Fri Sep 01, 2006 8:04 am

James wrote:There's a really small decimal point. Really small.

One which they overlooked when performing subsequent calculations.

And I use "they" in the plural sense, not the gender-neutral. If it had only come up once or thrice, it wouldn't bother me so much.
[/bastard]

User avatar
Saltine
Pays Too Much For Car Insurance
Posts: 5273
Joined: Sat Mar 18, 2006 8:24 am
Location: Cambridge, MA, US
Contact:

Postby Saltine » Fri Sep 01, 2006 10:59 am

I assume there's more to the class, right? Or is it a college course in arithmetic?
--Saltine

User avatar
Devilot
REQUIRES YOUR ATTENTION
Posts: 1374
Joined: Sun Apr 30, 2006 7:08 pm

Postby Devilot » Fri Sep 01, 2006 1:48 pm

catastrophile wrote:I wish these midterms would grade themselves. Accurately.


They do, but somehow the names get mixed up, and everyone gets an accurately graded paper that belongs to someone else.

I wish to be attacked by prinnies.
kupo wrote:I love how we went from babies to food.
mez wrote:I hate you and I want you to die a horrible slow death at the hands of hairy jug-wielding midgets born on the 29th of February.

User avatar
catastrophile
Pays Too Much For Car Insurance
Posts: 5698
Joined: Tue Sep 20, 2005 9:53 pm
Location: Downtown Boobginaville
Contact:

Postby catastrophile » Fri Sep 01, 2006 4:12 pm

Saltine wrote:I assume there's more to the class, right? Or is it a college course in arithmetic?

It's a science class. Bio-something-or-other, I never bothered to find out the course name.
[/bastard]

User avatar
James
Is a Hero in Bed
Posts: 14912
Joined: Wed Sep 21, 2005 9:40 am
Location: Surbiton, England

Postby James » Fri Sep 01, 2006 4:16 pm

Bio-logy?
SIGNATURE: GONE

User avatar
catastrophile
Pays Too Much For Car Insurance
Posts: 5698
Joined: Tue Sep 20, 2005 9:53 pm
Location: Downtown Boobginaville
Contact:

Postby catastrophile » Fri Sep 01, 2006 4:29 pm

James wrote:Bio-logy?

*mutters*

*looks at front page of exam*

Molecular Biology. Wheeeeeeee . . .
[/bastard]

User avatar
James
Is a Hero in Bed
Posts: 14912
Joined: Wed Sep 21, 2005 9:40 am
Location: Surbiton, England

Postby James » Fri Sep 01, 2006 4:41 pm

Goddamn molecules. Things were better in my day.
SIGNATURE: GONE

User avatar
Zecc
Makes LOLCATS
Posts: 612
Joined: Thu Jun 22, 2006 4:57 am

Does anyone actually read this?

Postby Zecc » Fri Sep 01, 2006 7:04 pm

Many people believe the great mythical figure of Molecules was a star-nosed mole (Condylura cristata). This is untrue. Being of Greek origin, Molecules was an European mole (Talpa europaea):
Image
Molecules (MOHL-cue-leez), showing his guns to impress the gals.
Any similarity between this portrait and an image found on Google when searching for "hercules disney" is purely consequential.
TehBuzzy wrote:Signature quotes are fun
bottlecap: Bring me back some soiled panties from a vending machine.
mulpis: Um, ew?
bottlecap: What?!? It's the name of my favorite country song!

User avatar
James
Is a Hero in Bed
Posts: 14912
Joined: Wed Sep 21, 2005 9:40 am
Location: Surbiton, England

Postby James » Fri Sep 01, 2006 7:50 pm

Haha, he's so victorious.
SIGNATURE: GONE

User avatar
Dusk
Is a Hero in Bed
Posts: 10814
Joined: Wed Mar 29, 2006 1:05 am

Postby Dusk » Sat Sep 02, 2006 12:47 am

Haha!
Molecules is awesome. He just needs a white cane.

User avatar
Zecc
Makes LOLCATS
Posts: 612
Joined: Thu Jun 22, 2006 4:57 am

Postby Zecc » Sat Sep 02, 2006 6:49 am

Devilot wrote:I wish to be attacked by prinnies.

People see you being attacked and come to your rescue. They try to save you by grabbing the prinnies and throwing them away from you. They explode. Chaos ensues. And, um... that's, um, bad in a way.

Also, still noone knows what the heck you're talking about.

I wish I didn't feel like linking to such a stupid video.
TehBuzzy wrote:Signature quotes are fun
bottlecap: Bring me back some soiled panties from a vending machine.
mulpis: Um, ew?
bottlecap: What?!? It's the name of my favorite country song!

User avatar
Chrono Crow
Spam King
Posts: 15466
Joined: Thu Sep 29, 2005 1:49 pm
Location: Yeach
Contact:

Postby Chrono Crow » Sat Sep 02, 2006 7:38 am

You don't link to the video, and being the only person who's seen it, it stays on your mind, festering, killing valuable brain cells. Eventually, you have an aneurym.

I wish sleep wasn't necessary to live.
quetzalcoatlus wrote:You should always make sure that all your important pussy cheese and uncle-rapist is backed up, in case your computer crashes.

User avatar
chrismachine
Impresses the Females
Posts: 6122
Joined: Fri Sep 30, 2005 1:24 am
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Contact:

Postby chrismachine » Sat Sep 02, 2006 8:28 pm

Chrono Crow wrote:You don't link to the video, and being the only person who's seen it, it stays on your mind, festering, killing valuable brain cells. Eventually, you have an aneurym.

I wish sleep wasn't necessary to live.


Sleep is optional, but opium and tequila become essential. the ensuing paradox kills James.

I wish for Ottawa to get a new, stable CFL franchise that will stand the test of time, and that the league prospers for several decades to come.
Image
Veepa wrote:Very wise words, Master Tiny Legs.

User avatar
Devilot
REQUIRES YOUR ATTENTION
Posts: 1374
Joined: Sun Apr 30, 2006 7:08 pm

Postby Devilot » Sat Sep 02, 2006 10:15 pm

chrismachine wrote:I wish for Ottawa to get a new, stable CFL franchise that will stand the test of time, and that the league prospers for several decades to come.


... Granted. Not sure why you want a Chrome Flamingo League franchise to come to Ottowa, stand the test of time, and last for decades, but it does.

I wish to be carried off into the night by excessively snuggly catgirls.
Last edited by Devilot on Sat Sep 02, 2006 10:19 pm, edited 3 times in total.
kupo wrote:I love how we went from babies to food.
mez wrote:I hate you and I want you to die a horrible slow death at the hands of hairy jug-wielding midgets born on the 29th of February.

User avatar
chrismachine
Impresses the Females
Posts: 6122
Joined: Fri Sep 30, 2005 1:24 am
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Contact:

Postby chrismachine » Sat Sep 02, 2006 10:18 pm

LOL!
Image
Veepa wrote:Very wise words, Master Tiny Legs.

User avatar
James
Is a Hero in Bed
Posts: 14912
Joined: Wed Sep 21, 2005 9:40 am
Location: Surbiton, England

Postby James » Sun Sep 03, 2006 7:31 am

Chrono Crow wrote:
chrismachine wrote:Sleep is optional, but opium and tequila become essential. the ensuing paradox kills James.

But killing James is a good thing HAHAHAHAHAHA I'm an idiot

Shut up, idiot.
SIGNATURE: GONE

User avatar
Chrono Crow
Spam King
Posts: 15466
Joined: Thu Sep 29, 2005 1:49 pm
Location: Yeach
Contact:

Postby Chrono Crow » Sun Sep 03, 2006 7:36 am

chrismachine wrote:Sleep is optional, but opium and tequila become essential. the ensuing paradox kills James.

But killing James is a good thing HAHAHAHAHAHA I'm an idiot
quetzalcoatlus wrote:You should always make sure that all your important pussy cheese and uncle-rapist is backed up, in case your computer crashes.

User avatar
catastrophile
Pays Too Much For Car Insurance
Posts: 5698
Joined: Tue Sep 20, 2005 9:53 pm
Location: Downtown Boobginaville
Contact:

Postby catastrophile » Sun Sep 03, 2006 7:58 am

Have you two got a bad taste in your mouths?







'Cause you just blew my mind.
[/bastard]

User avatar
James
Is a Hero in Bed
Posts: 14912
Joined: Wed Sep 21, 2005 9:40 am
Location: Surbiton, England

Postby James » Sun Sep 03, 2006 8:04 am

I'M FROM THE FUCKING FUTURE.
SIGNATURE: GONE

User avatar
Saltine
Pays Too Much For Car Insurance
Posts: 5273
Joined: Sat Mar 18, 2006 8:24 am
Location: Cambridge, MA, US
Contact:

Postby Saltine » Sun Sep 03, 2006 2:33 pm

That's what happens when you accidentally put the [/quote] tag first before the [quote] tag.

No, seriously, wuh duh fuh?
--Saltine

User avatar
giantsfan97
Is a Hero in Bed
Posts: 10960
Joined: Sat Oct 22, 2005 12:11 am
Location: Vermont
Contact:

Postby giantsfan97 » Sun Sep 03, 2006 2:39 pm

I think James just put what he thought Chrono would say, then Chrono decided to fulfill his destiny.
I love this post so much I'm going to take it behind the middle school and get it pregnant!


Return to “None of the Above”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 0 guests